WILL I GO TO HELL?

Article about experiences of the Spirit World based upon the book "What to do when you are dead" by Craig Hamilton-Parker..
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Angels and Devils

"With hideous ruin and combustion, down   To bottomless perdition, there to dwell."--John Milton, Paradise Lost.

Hell, and what to do in the lower planes

Tell people that they will go to hell if they do not convert to your particular brand of religion and you'll soon have converts knocking at your door. Sadly, many religions have used the fear of retribution to threaten their flock. The New Age philosopher David Ike summed it up for me when we met on a television show called the “Mystic Challenge.” "Religion is the most sophisticated form of brainwashing ever invented."

Perhaps the hellfire preachers are right, and I will perish in some terrible pit in hell. Perhaps I should donate large sums of money to their causes to save me from my Faustian fate. Nonetheless, if I am to go to the sulphurous pit, I'm likely to meet some interesting people in this netherworld, including perhaps Homer, Socrates, Gandhi, Mohammed, Einstein, and other non-Christians. I may even see Jesus there, for he was a Jew not a Christian.

Unfortunately, many Christians have--and still do--abuse the teachings of Jesus and distort the Bible for their own ends. I find it incredible that the message of a carpenter, who taught us to love others as we do ourselves, could have become so distorted. The two people who did most to make these ideas acceptable were both murderers. The first Christian Roman Emperor Constantine killed his own family, and Calvin murdered Servetus because he disagreed with him. Mercy was not a word high on the agenda of these forefathers of the Church. They laid down the law for their own personal power. For many years, everything advocated in the Bible was considered as coming from God. For example, during the days of slavery, members of the clergy--and others--held stock in slave ships and slave-trading concerns, and justified this by quoting biblical texts.

The literature that sums up all the best ideas about hell is perhaps the Divine Comedy, which was published in the fourteenth century, by Dante Alighieri. (I mentioned him earlier in relation to suicides). Many readers of this epic poem actually believed that Dante had made the trip to Hell and back. In the story, Dante finds himself lost in a dark forest where he is rescued by his literary hero the Roman poet Virgil.

Virgil tells Dante that he is looking for Beatrice--his lost love who awaits him in heaven. (Dante's own first love was also called Beatrice who died during childhood.) Virgil's mission is to guide him to her. The journey will take them through hell and purgatory.

WILL I GO TO HELL?

If so you've got some fun things to look forward to. Assuming that Dante got it right, here are a few of the things that you can do if you go to Hell or Purgatory:

Give up hope. Instead of a welcome mat, Hell has written across its gates the words "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" This is utter ruin, eternal damnation, permanent perdition. Hopefully humming a tune, wishfully whistling, and assured smiling are forbidden.

Take a boat trip. Outings with the grim boatman Charon are popular all year round. Take a trip with other dammed souls across the river Acheron to the inferno. Unfortunately, the crossing is usually pretty choppy there and the sulphurous odors can be a little distracting.

Play ball games. This one is only for hoarders, squanderers, and those who have sinned through greed. These people are doomed forever to roll massive boulders against each other. A useful tip is to not pay the boatman, and you'll get in for free.

Windsurf. Again admittance is restricted. This one is only for people who are lustful. You can join in 24/7. It's even open Christmas day. You will be perpetually tossed and whirled in hurricane winds. This activity particularly attracts some well-known souls. Dante spotted Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, and Helen's lover Paris.

Roast marshmallows. My personal favorite, this section of Hell is reserved for heretics. Accommodation is, however, a little cramped. You will be given your own fiery tomb on the vast plain within the walled city of Dis in nether hell.

Take a woodland tour. Actually you don't get to see much on this excursion. For those of you who have taken your own life, you will be transformed into a grotesque tree. Because you rejected life on earth you will now stand fixed and withered in hell.

Play the amusements. This one's popular with the clergy. Faithless priests who use their position within the church to gain temporal wealth are condemned to spend eternity upside down in reeking holes.

Visit the reptile house. You may need to take someone else's ticket in order to get in. This place is for thieves who are eternally crushed by monstrous snakes.

Enjoy the magic show. You don't need to volunteer, for participation in the show is mandatory. Here, sowers of discord among families, churches, and nations are doomed to be continually split apart by a sword-wielding demon. Cuts are perpetually healed and reopened so that the fun can last indefinitely.

Play winter games. This is the in-house favorite of the residents and the resting place of the Devil who spends his time chewing on the head of Judas Iscariot. Here the giant Antaeus will personally lower you into the frozen lake that fills the pit of hell. Icebound in the silent Lake Cocytus reside the traitors to country and betrayers of family.

Marvel at the freak show. Popular with the kids is the scary sight of the woman Arcane who was transformed into a spider for the sin of pride. You are likely to meet many of my personal friends here. You will recognize them, for their heads have been twisted around to look forever behind them as punishment for the sin of foretelling the future. I predict you will want to go there.

You'll be glad to know that Dante eventually ascends to Paradise...and gets the girl.