FAQ: Coping with Grief and Loss.

DEATH AND LOSS FAQ by Carolyn C.

Q. How do I cope with Grief and Loss?

Knowing how you should prepare for the loss of a loved one, or perhaps more importantly knowing how you should feel, is one of life's most challenging situations.

Many people describe the experience as being in a state of limbo or time suspension; waiting for someone to leave them physically without knowing the specific date, but knowing it could happen at any moment leaves us with a sense of just waiting and a feeling of powerlessness over the situation. One of the most out of our control experiences perhaps that we will ever face.

As well as the natural desire to make this waiting period as comfortable, loving and stable as possible for the person whom is to make their transition from this physical world, there is often the pressure of supporting other family members, friends and loved ones at the same time; giving little breathing space for our own emotions to be considered and worked through.

For many the phase prior to a loved ones imminent passing is indeed akin to the phases of loss, grief and loss; it is like entering the loss prior to it's occurrence and for some it helps to consider aspects of the grieving process as they wait for the moment of loss to be upon them.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross MD an eminent grief and loss specialist and psychiatrist believes that there are 5 phases to the grieving process :

Denial - it's not happening
Anger - why is it happening it is so unfair
Bargaining - take me instead
Depression - feelings of guilt, no purpose to one's own life
Acceptance - realisation that your own life can and does go on, coping positively with feelings

Those phases do not necessarily run in a time line and it may be that a person travels back and forward through phases 1 to 4 as they need to before being able to reach acceptance.

Anticipating grief puts a person into those phases also, as they are already, in a way, experiencing the loss; it is like grieving early. The recognition of that fact may be something that helps.

It is very important to be able to work through all the emotions that are being felt and to seek appropriate support and help.

One of the most common concerns that many people have, either when someone has passed on or is terminally ill, is whether or not that person will be ok after physical death. How we feel about this is of course based purely on our own belief systems and indeed those of the person who is in the last stages of their physical life.

Feelings of regret are often felt following a passing that perhaps can be minimised or begin to heal prior to their death if we have the opportunity. Life is indeed too short and taking the courage to make whatever amends one may feel are necessary with the person who is soon to pass may help to bring the bond of love closer at a time of great emotional distress.

LOSS FAQ BY: Carolyn Cartwright
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